What Your Favorite Pokémon Game Says About You: Brutal Callout Edition

Any time someone brings up the new games, you’re the first one to start arguing that they don’t design Pokémon like they used to, referring of course to classics like “bird” and “worms.” You’ve made a whole routine out of asking what that new one even is, ice cream? But you know exactly what it’s called now, don’t you?

You started Pokémon with the anime.

Your grandparents bought you this for Christmas, and you haven’t stopped talking about it since.

You finished Tears of the Kingdom’s Mayachin Shrine in one go.

You’re on a Discord call with friends you’ve never met in person every night.

You never owned a Mario Party growing up.

You play Magic: The Gathering now.

You don’t believe in climate change.

You do not exist. This is no one’s favorite.

You were disappointed when the Tetris movie was about business and not blocks.

You have been simping for Cynthia since 2006.

Your favorite anime episode is the one they did to promote this game and you’ve been searching for that high ever since.

You either are a great Instagram boyfriend or desperately wish you were.

The scene in Everything Everywhere All At Once where Jamie Lee Curtis circles the receipt activated something in you.

You think this was the series’ narrative peak when Arceus and Scarlet and Violet are right there.

You’re a competitive sicko.

You’re a history major but haven’t done anything with your degree.

You couldn’t make it in competitive Smash Bros.

You can’t draw in any other context.

You haven’t stopped thinking about Mega Evolution and you don’t care that it hurts the Pokémon.

Your ideal vacation is at the beach but you don’t live anywhere near one.

You have parental neglect trauma.

This is the only Pokémon game you’ve played.

You ran out of things to play after Super Mario Odyssey.

This is the only Pokémon game you’ve played that’s not on a phone.

You are simply better than everyone else.

You’re from the United Kingdom.

Your love language is words of affirmation.

You thought the hashtag was “Pokemon Master Sex.”

You are annoyed when a baby cries in your proximity because you get mad about children when they are just dealing with the horror of being alive.

You have religious trauma.

You either have daddy/mommy issues, or are just generally attracted to daddies and/or mommies.